Sunflowers.

22nd October 2018

Sunflowers.

A year on from when I was first having ideas about starting my career in art and design… I’m sitting in the same chair, at the same kitchen, with the same laptop. But the body behind the screen has aged, progressed, learnt, fallen, built herself up and re-programmed since this time last year. A year is just a clock, a timeline, is it for us to compare ourselves to the person we were this time last year? Maybe, maybe not. Is it effective? Only sometimes - but for me, in this instance it fills me with a sense of relief to look back at myself this time last year and to see quite how much I have progressed within my career and personally. I am starting to see what I don't want, who I am, and what I want to do with my life, my creativity and my ideas. It is, very different to what society would have predicted for a 20 something, but that has been part of the lesson learnt. I am extremely different to the person next me, and as much as I have tried to live the life of those around me, it does not settle right. And for the first time, which is no surprise at all considering I have am only nearing to the quarter-life crisis, I am settling down. That definitely does not mean that I am settling in one location… that again is something that has never quite settled right. But I can see my life forming in front of me. I know how I want to wake up in the morning and I know how I don’t. I know what I want to do with my day, my evening, my life and I know what I don’t. I don't have a 10 year plan, unfortunately that kind of mathematics is something that I can not formulate and to be frank, I don't think anyone can predict what they are going to do in the next 10 years without placing themselves in their own kind of prison. This year has taught me that you never know whats around the corner. What you are going to learn about your past, what you are going to learn about people you thought would always be in your future.

To me, it all settles down on one thing; you. Self-love, self-respect and self-acceptance. In simpler terms, I translate that as; know who you are and who you’re not. Your family, your friends, they love you for who you are, you have their love no matter. Its the love you need for you that’s something you learn to do over time, you build on the love within you and the love will just keep growing.

Painting of the day: September

Blog of the month:

https://www.havinganosey.com/blog/2018/10/13what-is-transphobia-how-can-we-challenge-it-and-why-trans-advoacy-matters